I Couldn’t Resist!

Posted by on Feb 10, 2015 in Articles | No Comments

winter woodpile

Another silly post but this one is really funny for those of you who like words and nonsense. I wish I could attribute this but I can’t. Hope you enjoy it!

Every year, English  teachers from across the country submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These are published for the  amusement of teachers around the country.  Here are last year’s  winners.

1.  Her face was a perfect  oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2.  His thoughts tumbled in his head making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3.  She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian  beef.

4.  She had a deep,  throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws  up.

5.  Her vocabulary was  as bad as, like, whatever.

6.  The little boat  gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball  wouldn’t.

7.  McBride fell 12  stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable  soup.

8.  From the attic  came an unearthly howl.  The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7p.m.  .  .  . instead of   7:30.

9.  Her hair glistened in  the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

10.  The hailstones  leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot  grease.

11.  He fell for her  like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

12.  The plan was  simple, like my brother-in-law Phil.  But unlike Phil, this plan just  might work.

13.  The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended  one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire  hydrant.

14.  It was an American  tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

15.  He was deeply in  love.  When she spoke, he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck  backing up.

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