The Top 10 Things You Probably Shouldn’t Say

10. “I probably shouldn’t say this but…”

9. “ You’ve gained some weight.”

8. “I just spent a hour reading Top 10 lists.”

7. “Oh, I thought you were a man.”

6. “Wow, my fungus is really spreading!”

5. “Did you just fart or are you cooking something?”

4. “Put that back on, I’m begging you.”

3. “You’d be surprised what you can hide in your body.”

2. “My mom is a better kisser.”

1. “Is that as big as it gets?”

The Top 10 Ways to Waste Your Time

10. Making it bigger

9. Hiding things in your body

8. Reading Top 10 lists

7. Listening to Sarah Palin

6. Waiting to procrastinate

5. Making resolutions

4. Discussing resolutions

3. Arguing about ridiculous resolutions

2. Fighting with that idiot about resolutions

1. Disposing of the bodies of idiots

0. Thinking about new Top 10 lists

The Top 10 New Top 10 Lists

10. Top 10 Ways to Better Spend Time

9. Top 10 Ways to Better Spend Money

8. Top 10 Ways to Better Spend Your Money

7. Top 10 Wives to Spend Your Money

6. 10 Top Guys to Spend Your Money

5. One Sneaky Bastard and One Wife to Spend Your Money

4. One #%&!#@% ex-Wife to Spend Your Money

3. Top 10 Estate Planners to Hide Your Money

2. Top 10 Wonderful Off-shore Banks

1. Top 10 Ways to Live in Paradise with a Top 10 Babe

The Top 10 Things You Shouldn’t Say to Photographers

10. “That’s actually just a decoy.”

9. “It was really good here last week.”

8. “ Yep, everyone comes out here and gets the same shot.”

7. “This is the first time it’s been closed.”

6. “I won. I said your camera wouldn’t float.”

5. “My 8 year old boy has a picture just like that.”

4. “Well, I’m sure when you come back it’ll be just the same.”

3. “Do you mind if I ask you some questions while you’re shooting?”

2. “No, really, you’re gonna love shooting this wedding.”

1. “Yep, that place is owned by a guy in the mob.”

The Top 10 Worst Photographers

10. Filter Guy

9. Mrs. Talker

8. Dr. I Know Better

7. Mr. Name Dropper

6. Obsessive equipment Guy

5. King Forever Film

4. Mrs. Not Pay Attention

3. Professor Blowhard

2. Been There, Done That Bozo

1. I Made This Much $$ Guy

The Top 10 Things Not to Do on Vacation

10. Call home everyday

9. Look at the weather at home everyday

8. Bring your laptop to the beach

7. Stare at women in bikinis (unless you are over 80 yrs. old)

6. Bring toddlers to restaurants (unless they are on the menu)

5. Admit your name is Muffy, Buffy, Itsy or Bitsy

4. Buy a home there

3. Drive like you drive at home

2. Wear your bathing suit to go grocery shopping

1. Wear a Speedo anywhere (other than under something