A Hoe for Roger

Posted by on Nov 17, 2009 in Nonsense | No Comments


It’s 9 o’clock at night and the phone rings. It’s Roger.

“Hello, it’s Roger”

“Hello, Roger. What’s up?”

“When are you coming over to the barn in the morning?”

“It’s usually after I get up.”

“That’s not always the case.”

“Why do you ask?”

“The barn needs a new hoe.”

“You’re tellin’ me. What happened to the old hoe?”

“I couldn’t fix’r. Got all loose and then I broke’er.

“It’ll happen if you use’em hard.”

“So could you pick one up on your way here tomorrow?”

“Where am I going to find a good hoe in Danby that early in the morning?”

“Go to Elby’s, he’s got hoes.”

“Elby’s got hoes?”

“Always has.”

“That rascal, but to a hardware store to get you a hoe?”

“Yes, he’s got some that are strong and wide.”

“Strong and wide? What about good lookin’?”

“I don’t care about good lookin’, I want a hoe that works hard.”

“Its come to that has it?”

“I don’t care about pretty anymore. I want a long handle and a good head.”

“Every man’s dream. Am I paying for the hoe?”

“Yes but I’ll pay you back.”

“So this is what it has come to, I am now supplying you with hoes.”

“Well, I can’t ask the old man, he wouldn’t know what to do with a new hoe.”

“Bet he’d like to try.”

“And I can’t ask Trish to get me a hoe.”

“Wouldn’t be right.”

“She’d get one that was all fancied up.”

“Couldn’t have that.”

“I need one I can handle easily, otherwise it seems like work.”

“Couldn’t agree with you more, Roger. Don’t you have a hoe at the house?”

“Used to have several.”

“You’re a lucky man.”

“Not anymore, they’re all gone.”

“Nothing worse than losing a good hoe.”

“You’re tellin’ me. Its hard as hell finding a good hoe.”

“This is a big responsibility, getting you a hoe you like.”

“Remember, I like a hoe with a thick neck…

“Got it.”

“And a good curve to it…”

“Uh huh.”

“…and sharp blade.”

“Roger, what are you talking about?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I was talking about hoes.”

“Oh, okay, so was I.”

“And drive the truck, it’ll be easier getting’em in the back.”

I call Elby.

“Hello?”

“Hi Elby, it’s David.”

“Why hello, David. What can I do for you?”

“I need a hoe.”

“Claire gone is she?”

“No, it’s not for me.”

“Never is.”

“It’s for Roger.”

“Roger wants a hoe?”

“Roger needs a hoe.”

“So you now supplying him with hoes?”

“The man can’t get enough.”

“Tell me about it.”

“It’s for the barn.”

“He’ll be using the hoe in the barn?”

“Sure between milking and chores.”

“Not much time for a hoe.”

“Roger is very fast. Grabs a hoe, a couple of strokes and he’s done.”

“Gotta admire a man like that. What does Trish think of this?”

“She’s all for it, got her own hoes. They work better for her.”

“Can’t say that I blame her. What kind of hoe do you want?”

“Roger likes’em with a thick neck, a good curve and a wide bottom.”

“It’s a sad state of affairs. So just a plain ol’ hoe?”

“Just a plain ol’ hoe will do.”

“Spray some WD-40 on the hoe before you take it to Roger.”

“You want me to spray the hoe with WD-40?”

“Not where you grab it, just the bottom.”

“You want me to spray the bottom of the hoe with WD-40?”

“Makes it work better. “

“I’ll be darn.”

“And bring your truck. It’ll be easier in the back.”

“Easier in the back?”

“Easier for the hoes in the back.”

“Roger said the same thing.”

“Doesn’t surprise me. He knows his hoes.”

“Yes he does, he surely does.”

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