Another silly post but this one is really funny for those of you who like words and nonsense. I wish I could attribute this but I can’t. Hope you enjoy it!
Every year, English teachers from across the country submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These are published for the amusement of teachers around the country. Here are last year’s winners.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
4. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
5. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
6. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
7. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
8. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7p.m. . . . instead of 7:30.
9. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
10. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
11. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
12. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
13. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
14. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
15. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.